Tuesday, November 20, 2012


A few months ago, I had a falling out with a group of my closest girlfriends.  We've known each other since grade school, so basically we've known each other longer than we haven't.  I'm not going to go into the details of the fall out but it suffices to say it all happened due to betrayal, I was on the betrayed end and I'll leave it at that.  I wasn't sure/ready to just get over it and move forward so I just took my space and focused on my life.  Recently, I decided to forgive even if it didn't feel like the easiest thing to do, and extended my olive branch.  I thought, after our history, we would figure out a way to patch things up.  It turns out I was wrong. No one took hold of my branch and it looks like it's really the end for now.  Of course I'm disappointed.  I've known these girls forever but I can't force them to do anything, nor can I change what happened.  The only thing I can do is to internally forgive the whole situation, let go of all the negativity and move forward.

The same is true with my own hurdles.  In the past, I've set up big goals for myself only to swing and miss and I get pretty bummed about it.  Striking out is a statistical expectation but emotionally, you are never really ready or expecting it, and it takes a toll.  It chips away at your own self-confidence and pride.  The thing is-- that is all normal.  We are human, we are supposed to keep striking out until we hit the homer.  (Don't know why I'm so into sports analogies these days, sorry!).  We've just gotta keep getting up, dusting yourself off, and trying again.  Most importantly, we need to forgive ourselves for the screwing up.  I personally find that last part the hardest.  I really get in my own way!

Since it is Thanksgiving, I started thinking about all I have to be thankful for this year, which turns out to be a lot!  Then I started to think about how much I've disappointed myself.. which makes my stomach sink, but what's also obvious is that those disappointments are nothing in comparison to all the blessings in my life.  Now, let me just say- I'm not one of those people where a light goes off and my feelings suddenly change.  It takes time for me but I'm proud to say that I do have the ability to analyze my emotions with my logical side and even if it's slowly, do a little work on the more irrational.  Anyways, this post is about forgiveness.  Forgiveness in order to find thankfulness.  The little things that irk you? Those can be let go.  The things that you're thankful for? Those cannot.  Just think about it.

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